Breakeven
by fadedink26
Summary: With the announcement that the Commander's rose ceremony was just days away and in the wake of Skaikru's rejection of the coalition. Lexa and Clake face an uphill task in trying build a relationship that's fraught with rejection from their people and at times seem to go against their duty and obligations as leaders.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Breakeven

 **Author:** Fadedink26

 **Paring:** Clarke and Lexa

 **Rating:** M

 **Genre:** Romance/Angst

 **Word Count:** 2,844

 **Episode:** This story starts at the end of episode 3x05.

 **Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of The 100 television show. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

 **Chapter One (1) -**

I stood on the rise silently waiting, watching the flames burn freely where my people had been laid to rest. I had been resolute in my decision that blood must not have blood but my heart ached with a need to do more. I wanted, needed to answer the cries of partners and children who had lost loved ones in such a senseless act and yet I held firm to my decision. Blood would not have blood.

I knew in my heart that another war was not the answer for my people. War was an easy solution and not altogether just. It was all we knew for so long and too long that I feared we could learn nothing else. For generations we had trained children to be fighters, killers and honored men and women who had struck down lives like swatting flies in the night but that would be no more. Blood would not have blood.

"Did you remember to collect them?" I asked Indra who stood beside me.

"Sha. Heda." She responded strained, her breathing slightly labored.

"Have the men ready the horses and put them with my things." I instructed. "Send a rider ahead to make known my arrival, we leave tonight," But Indra did not move at my order, instead she glanced at me her eyes delivering her unvoiced question, "It's not safe and I have much to do in Polis before sunrise." I explained and she nodded seemingly more satisfied with the answer.

"Sha Heda." Indra finally responded and dismissed herself but her departure was slow as weighted feet dragged against the ground.

If staying here one more night was possible, I would have, for Indra's sake. She had been an excellent General for many years and though injured today she remained focused and loyal to the task, but I needed her at full strength for what laid ahead and so rest was needed.

Left alone, I went to the tent in search of Clarke to inform her of our impending departure. I paused at its entrance and took a breath before pushing the flap open.

There I found her, asleep on the makeshift bed, curled on her side as her tangled braids framed her face. I wanted to look away but couldn't. My eyes betrayed me in the moment and held her view, a picturesque one I would have gladly stored in some treasured place in my memory.

I watched, stared, prayed for the moment to never depart, taking in every beautiful line, curve, slope and angle that created Clarke but felt like an intruder. In fact I knew I was. I had no right to see her this way. Unguarded, innocent and trusting to a world that deserved no such loyalty. Yet here I was shameless in my examination and undeserving of the moment.

We had made progress Clarke and I. She no longer hated me; but trust was a goal I was still working hard to achieve. I had made strides since her attempt to rid me of this life. We now had an understanding; I had pledged my loyalty but more was needed especially when I was working towards an even loftier goal, her love.

A love that could not be bargained for during negotiations or won with the strike of my sword. I also could not earn it. Clarke had to give it willingly and so I had to be patient and deserving. The very two things I wasn't sure I was capable of being.

"Klark." I said announcing my entrance so as not to startle her, but I failed. She jumped slightly at the sound of her name and misty blue eyes opened to frown at me.

"You really need to stop sneaking up on me." she playfully berated but my chin lowered slightly feeling I had failed somehow.

"I will do better at making my presence known." I promised even though exactly how I was going to accomplish that goal currently eluded me.

I had trained for years to perfect the art of stealth. A skill that I had proudly accomplished and now, because of …. I was promising to move with the noise of a child on their first hunt. If Anya could see me now, she would certainly bestow a disapproving frown.

"It's okay, maybe I will get used to it." Clarke reasoned and I nodded but I was not convinced of this.

"We leave shortly for Polis." I announced.

"We aren't staying the night?"

"No."

"Why not?" she asked, mid yawn and I slightly stiffened. Clarke was my equal, not my subject and yet I was still getting use to the idea of her challenging my every decision.

"It is not safe to remain here Klark."

"Oh" I watched as realization swept across her features. "Right. Okay." She swung her feet off the makeshift bed and planted them on the ground. Then I watched her take another tired stretch before reaching for her discarded boots. Instinctively I crossed the room and knelt before her, taking her boot in my hand.

"Oh you don't …. Have to." She flustered through the words. "I can-"

"I'm aware that you are capable Klark." I replied. "But I have chosen to." I held her boot to allow her to slip her foot in and after a moment's hesitation she complied and allowed me to secure it to her foot.

"You know that's the second time you've knelt before me in less than a week."

"Are you keeping count?" I asked glancing up at her.

Her cheeks flushed. "Uh um no… I just." She took a breath as I secured her other boot.

"Then may it not be the last." I said getting to my feet.

"Huh?"

"Heda?" Indra said at the entrance of the tent. I gave a slight bow of my head indicating for her to speak freely. "The horses are ready."

"You may ride with me if you are tired Klark." I said turning slightly to her. "Your day has been long."

I watched her hesitate, my offer circling around in her head, no doubt contemplating all the possible scenarios of how this could go. She looked to be considering the possibility of saying yes before she said. "I think I can manage Heda, but thank you for the offer."

I accepted the answer with a nod, the formality no doubt there for Indra's benefit and left the tent.

 ** _An Hour Later_**

Much to the annoyance of my horse, I had ridden at full gallop to Polis with Clarke and the other riders keeping pace. We arrived in Polis in the dead of night and found the usual lively capital deserted with only a few guards patrolling. After giving further instructions to Indra, which included meeting me at first light, I delighted in the pleasure of accompanying Clarke to her door.

It was a peaceful soundless walk between us as I matched her tired strides with purposeful ones of my own. I watched Clarke's slumped shoulders carry an otherwise light load that tonight seemed to burden her, but with determined strain she carried it up those fifty plus steps. I wanted to offer to carry the load, but thought better of it. It would hurt more than it should if I allowed her to reject me trice in one night.

I heard her sigh, the annoyed kind as we made it to the landing and I mentally counted the twenty-three footsteps that would take us to her room and a further fifteen steps to my own. I believe the gods were cruel at times, to have her so close, yet so far. To have me caged behind the cold concrete walls of my supposed sanctuary on a bed of fur and feathers, yet torment my dreams to ensure a sleepless slumber as Clarke slept just beyond our shared wall.

I smiled as she bit her lower lip in quiet contemplation as we stopped at her door. It peek my interest to know her thoughts but I was too afraid to ask. At her door our peaceful silence had gone awkward. The kind that made the hair on the back of my neck pricked and my feet restless, but I stood strong, my hand clasped before me. Clarke had made no attempt to escape to the privacy of her room, so I could find no excuse to leave. She had more to say, I could tell from her own restless twitching but bravery had yet to flow from thoughts to lips, so I could do no more than wait patiently.

"I know," she began moments later voicing concerns. "What I'm asking is a lot and I KNOW it's selfish." She confessed. "Your people deserve justice. I would want blood."

"Yet you have asked for it anyway." I stated calmly.

"I have," the words dripped heavily from Clarke's lips as her chin lowered. "Thank you for allowing it."

I bravely stepped closer and fearlessly touched her cheek; hoping to provide the smallest of comfort. Being a leader was not an easy job and whether the decision is to kill or not to kill would weigh heavily on a scale that could never be evenly balanced. So I understood how Clarke felt. I felt the same way. She surprised me though by not moving away but instead leaned into my touch as her eyes slowly rose to meet mine.

"I don't want my people to die Lexa."

It was a heartfelt confession that pained the muscle beneath my chest and brought a single tear from ocean blue eyes.

"I don't wish them to." I admitted in truth even as the heated tear touched my fingertip and I slowly brushed it away.

"I pledged my fealty to you Klark." I whispered as my thumb freely caressed her cheek. "I will treat your people as my own and do the best I can by them." she must have stepped closer in the moment because when she nodded in response, our foreheads touched and I felt her hand at the small of my back as we moved even closer. Her breath was warm, inviting, her scent intoxicating and I pressed closer slanting my lips to hers.

"Heda."

At the sound of my title, I sent a silent curse to the gods and sedately looked over at Titus before releasing my hold of Clarke.

"Yes?" I asked while Clarke found refuge against her closed door.

"Did you request to see me?" he inquired. I couldn't decide if he had lousy timing or an impeccable one.

"Yes. We have a meeting." I confirmed, offering Clarke an apologetic look.

"Meeting? About?" Clarke asked having recovered and this time I didn't flinch. I had fully expected her question; curiosity was not only reserved for cats but for clarks.

"The massacre of my people by Skaikru." I answered. Clarke and Titus both flinched.

"But you …"

"Blood will not have blood Klark."

"Okay but a meeting at this hour?" Clarke pressed. "Aren't you tired?"

"I am."

"But it's really late." She seemed concerned.

"It is."

Clarke sighed dejected. "Alright, well I am tired. I should get to bed."

"Of course." I nodded and stepped away. "Goodnight Ambassador."

"Good night Commander. Titus." She said before retreating to her room to leave me alone in the candlelit hallway with Titus. We made our way in silence down the staircase to the next level and travelled along a similar hallway.

"Heda, I wasn't expecting you for a few days." Titus finally said as we walked to the war room.

"Much has happened and much needs to be discussed." I informed him.

"Much has happened here as well. The council met about-"

"Do you recall our last set of plans to slay the mountain?" I said cutting him off.

"Yes?" There was a question in the single word reply.

"We are reactivating it." I said as I pushed open the doors and walked to the large rectangular table in the center of the room. "I need a meeting with the original implementation team and the Gonakru Special Forces back in training at first light."

"To deal with Skaikru?" Titus asked concerned.

"Yes" I confirmed.

"Then blood will have blood."

"No." I corrected and his brows tensed. "In time all will be revealed."

" _Sha Heda_." Titus nodded and joined me at the table and I moved around objects on the map. "The council has made a decision.

I sighed not liking where this was going. "When?"

"Fourteen days."

"Can it be delayed?" I asked even though I knew better, but I wasn't ready and I had yet to tell Clarke.

"You have delayed it long enough Heda." Titus said respectfully. "This is your fifth year as Heda. The Commander's Rose Ceremony must take place. Riders will leave tomorrow to inform the clans and the twelve princesses will arrive shortly after that."

"The people of Polis will chose a life partner for me." I sighed feeling overwhelmed.

"Heda." I felt his hand on my shoulder. "I know you've worked tirelessly, first to find Wanheda and to have Skaikru be the 13th clan for this exact purpose, but in light of their recent transgression." I felt my shoulders slump at his words. "The council would not approve of Skaikru being a part of the ceremony. This massacre is an outright rejection of the coalition."

"I know…"

My meeting with Titus had lasted much longer than anticipated and so my ascension to my room later that night was made on weighted heels. He had shelved all talks about my impending marriage for the remainder of the night but had several concerns and questions that required long and complicated answers about dealing with the massacre.

Titus did not agree that blood would not have blood and sought to explain respectfully the ramifications of such an unwise decision. He was also wary of my new plan of attack with regards to Skaikru and thought it better to seek justice swiftly with the slain of several of _their_ people and _our_ people in an all-out war.

To him and not so long ago to me, delayed justice was no justice at all, but times were changing and with it I was prepared to make the hard choices today so that my people - all 13 clans could have a better tomorrow. A tomorrow that brought peace and prosperity. A tomorrow where people grew old. One that didn't have me speaking about my death every day and one that had the promise of love and not just duty.

I did agree with Titus on some points however. Skaikru was young and undisciplined. They needed to be reined in quickly before they caused more unnecessary harm. They were like the youngest child in a family who had not learnt its place or purpose and needed a firm but caring touch of guidance.

Skaikru needed to either rejoin my coalition and abide by my rules or stand apart and suffer the consequences. However my new plans would take time to come to fruition and as Titus so eloquently put. I could not rely on hope or the blind belief of Clarke in her people that there would not be more blood spilled as Skaikru sought to make their power felt and known.

Once at my room, I nodded at the guards before making my way in. The candles must have long since burnt out, because the room was a mass of blackness. I kicked off my boots, discarded my top, pants and undergarments in a pile at my feet and padded over to my bed. Sinking in I snuggled under the warm inviting furs fully intent on giving way to exhaustion and let sleep find weary bones.

But then I felt her.

A warm soft presence against my back, pulling me in and I allowed myself to be pulled as I relaxed into the warmth that engulfed me. Her touch was warm and gentle, yet electrifying as her hand ran down my body, over my arm, breasts, waist and hips. My skin breathed a new life excited by a need buried deep but not forgotten within me and I longed to be touched this way and that.

When she reached my thighs, she nudged them apart and I was only too willing to bend that unashamed knee. Giving her full, free and unbounded access. I wanted the intimacy of the touch, craved it and had spent nights dreaming of it. So when her fingertips stalled … paused, hovering just above my feminine warmth. I let out a strangled and very much frustrated groan.

"What do you desire Heda?" she asked and I froze, the haze that had taken over thought and reason vanished just as quickly as It came because that's when I realized for the first time that the woman behind me. The woman curled along my spine, whose hips caressed my own and fingers trailed down my stomach and now inches away from giving me the most intimate of touches was not Clarke.

 **AN:** Thanks for reading. Hoped you enjoyed it. If you haven't run off to read another story yet. Let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thanks for reading, reviewing and following :) This chapter is short, but I didn't** **want to delay any further in getting this to you. The next chapter will be posted quicker. Thanks again for reading.**

 **Chapter 2**

Despite the late hour I had gone to bed, morning had not come soon enough and my slumber had been less than restful. With sleep now long forgotten I stood at the window waiting for that first spark of daybreak. I had much to get done today and with the announcement of the ceremony tonight. I was pressed for time on all fronts.

Like how I would convince Clarke that we were meant to be more to each other, having only shared a single kiss and how would I prevent the people of the Arc from killing more grounders? And how to bring Skaikru back into my coalition? Then, even if I managed to accomplish all of that, how would I convince Clarke to participate in a ceremony that chooses a wife for me? I dragged a frustrated hand over my face and released a grown.

"Good morning," there was soft laughter at my expense behind the greeting. "Rough morning?"

"Morning." My greeting was gruff as my stare now more than ever focused on the view out the window. I heard the rustle of crumpled sheets behind me and the soft patter of bare feet hitting the concrete floor before my hair was swept from my neck and her lips touched me there.

"You know," she began, her voice lazy with sleep as her breasts pressed into my back and I can tell she's still naked. "You didn't have to leave the comfort of our bed."

"I would not have had cause to leave _my_ bed." I folded my hand in mild annoyance. "If you hadn't been there."

She chuckles. "It's not like I haven't shared your bed before." I feel her pull on my earlobe before she kisses it. "I always share your bed when I'm in Polis."

"This is different."

"The ceremony?" she challenges.

"Yes." _Among other things_. _Clarke._

"You know, I never understood your logic Lexa." She begins stepping away from me and I take the opportunity to take a much needed breath. "How could you hate my mother and still bed me? Yet wont share a bed when we are about to be married."

I turn to face her; she's as beautiful as I remember. Hair so blonde it's basically white with olive skin and deep green eyes. It was the eyes that had gotten me the first time I'd met her. I was inches away from drawing my blade across her throat. I had the full intent of delivering her head to her mother, but then she looked at me and asked me to make her death quick but honorable and all the hurt and anger I had felt in the moment had simply disappeared.

"And I don't' understood you Riya." I reach for the blanket hanging over the couch that had abused my bones and skin mere hours before and move to wrap in around her shoulders. "How could I have killed your mother and you still want to share my bed?"

"That's different." She retorts clutching the blanket and I can tell the hurt is still fresh from the loss.

"Riya … I..." I cared deeply for her and never intended to cause her pain.

"It's fine," she steps out of my hold and move to sit on the couch. "It had to be done and it had to be you." I nod conceding this to be true. "But why is this time different? The ceremony is a formality, even with the challenges; you know the people of Polis will choose me as your wife. Azgeda will make sure of that."

I admired her confidence, however misplaced. "Titus has assured me that the voting process will be fair and just, but I still can't have you in my bed before the ceremony begins, it would be improper."

"And the commander canoodling with Wanheda isn't…improper?" Riya challenged.

"I'm not…" I stopped myself not wanting to lie.

"You like her." She stated rather than asked.

"It's more than that." I admitted.

"Then you are in quite a conundrum Lexa." Riya said.

"Yes." I conceded.

"What if Polis doesn't choose her?" she asked, but I understood what she was really asking.

"I will be faithful and true to whomever my people choose as a wife for me," she nods before she snuggled into the couch and wrapped the blanket around her.

"As Heda you can have two wives." She reminded and I nod confirming that I had indeed remembered the tradition though I wasn't considering it. I wasn't sure if such traditions were a part of Arc culture and I didn't want to insult Clark by suggesting it. Especially when the idea of two wives seemed daunting and one that I was not altogether comfortable with.

"How are you here already? The announcement is this evening."

Riya chuckles sleepily. "The all seeing eye." she winks and I take this as truth. I collect my daggers of the table and reattach them to my clothing; day break had finally broken through and I had my meeting with Indra.

"I'll instruct the chamber maid to prepare rooms for you and your maids?"

"Three rooms." she confirms.

I nod making a mental note of the number and to speak with Marta on my way down. "I'm sure you have much to do in preparation for the festivities?"

"Yes I have swords to sharpen and dresses to try on it," Riya laughs with the playful roll of her eyes. "But later, it's too early."

"Ok…" I said clearing my throat unnecessarily. "You have fun with that, I must leave you now. I have much to do."

"Clarke?" she playfully teases.

"Duty," I said before existing into the hallway between the sentries. That's where I spotted Clarke leaving her room. "Clarke" I greeted feeling my heart skipping an unnecessary beat. The guard at my side firmly closed the door behind me and I heard him draw the security latch.

"Lexa." Clarke says somewhat startled.

"Good morning" my smile brightened as my gaze roamed over her new outfit, then back to her face, her hair. She's done something different with it that I quite like. "I like this new look." My compliment comes bold and honest.

"Thank you." She blushed. "I treated myself to grounder couture courtesy of Baya." She said mentioning her chamber maid whom she'd grown fond of.

I smile having understood the joke as we headed down the hallway. "Then how about I treat you to lunch?" I asked nervously.

Clarke blinked. I could tell she was unsure of the meaning behind my question. Maybe this wasn't how one asked for a date?

"Oh, you don't have to do that…"

"I know, but I want to." I raised an eyebrow. "Unless you're already meeting someone?"

Clarke shook her head. "Oh, no. I'm not meeting anyone," She replied then back peddled. "That's a lie. I actually am."

I frown at her slightly. "Explain."

"I'm seeing Aden later this afternoon." I raised a brow again. "He's been training me with swords."

"I see."

"Is that okay? I never thought to ask before and now that I'm thinking about it, I probably should have."

"It is good that you are learning." I assured. "Aden will be a good teacher."

"He his." there was a hint of reflection in her voice. "Where are you off to?"

"Meeting with Indra" I said as we reached the lower level of the tower. "You?"

"Hunting with Baya, then going to see a man about some paints and drawing supplies."

"You will be drawing?" I asked unnecessarily, she nodded. "I look forward to seeing one of your pieces."

"Okay. Sure." she replied but seemed nervous at the implication of her agreement. "Where should I meet you for lunch?"

"I will come to you." I replied.

"Um, Okay. Let me not keep you then." Clarke said as we existed the building. Then she smiled, so faint and so innocently that I thought I'd imagined it but there was no mistaking that nervous twitch in the pit of my stomach that now felt like a snowball running down a mountain.

"I will see you later Klark."

 **Sometime Later...**

"Again!" I shouted with Indra at my side as we watched several pairs of my special militia in training that morning. "They are not ready." I determined having watched them train for the past hour.

"They will be." Indra confirmed.

"Much depends on it Indra," The men and women before me had been specifically chosen and trained to one day infiltrate the mountain from inside. They conversed in English, wore mountain men type clothing, had no physical markings - tattoos or kill markings - and where trained in traditional military hand and weapon combat, but today slight adjustments were being conducted by Indra to suit our current need, to infiltrate Arcadia. "They must be able to assimilate."

"Sha Heda," She nods "my times with Skaikru have been educational. I will teach them what's needed."

"You need rest Indra."

"Hm." It was a low grunt of agreement. "This is important Heda; no one else can do it." She reasoned and I had to concur, only Indra held the knowledge that was needed.

"Your life is important. You must rest."

"Is that a command Heda?"

A small smile formed on my lips as I continued to watch the training. "It's a humbled request Indra."

"I will make time to rest Heda," She said and I glanced over at her. "After training." She promised.

"What is our weapon count?"

"Nine automatic rifles and twelve hand guns taken from the mountain over the years." Indra responded.

"Bullets?"

"Instructions have been given to Knox on how to make them. As soon as the materials arrive production will start."

"Good," it seemed all was on track and I could rest easy knowing that this part of my plan was in capable hands.

"Are you good Heda?" her question was so soft I'd almost not heard it among the noisy activities of sparing. "Titus informed me of the ceremony."

"Sha."

"He wanted to know which one of my daughters would be representing Trikru." She continued and that bit of information lifted my brow.

I had known both Indra's daughters since childhood and was very fond of them. They had often visited Polis with her and when I wasn't busy being the leader of twelve clans I would spend time with them, but one more than the other.

"Which daughter will you be sending?" I asked trying to sound less interested than I was.

"Which one would you prefer Heda?" she asked looking over at me and though I tried to hide it, I blushed ever so slightly.


End file.
